Happy Humiliation Day

Sometimes you get hit with a day that makes you just want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers up, and wait until a new day dawns. That was yesterday for me.

It started out with Curtis getting food poisoning. I had plans to go to a yoga class in the morning-- scratch that off the list. We also had plans for a dinner out, just the two of us, while my parents babysat. Again, scratch that.

He was sick all morning, which meant I had to drag the girls with me to a funeral for the father of Mary's teacher. Usually, the girls are good citizens in church. But ten minutes into the funeral, Lucy had a meltdown. I had to take her to the back of the church for a stern talk. As I am sitting in the back reprimanding Lucy, there is a pause between readings up front and silence falls over the church. And I hear the most familiar and terrifying noise: my cell phone. Ringing. During the funeral. In my purse which was all the way in the front of the church. I wanted to die, to disappear, to run out of the church. But I didn't. I fast-walked to our pew in the front of the church, dragging the girls with me, dug my phone out of the purse and silenced it.

From the pew in front of me, three nuns turned and glared. From the pew behind me, a fellow mom from preschool patted my arm and said, "Good job, Mom!" I couldn't tell whether she was trying to lighten the moment or be sarcastic.

If ever there were a moment when I wanted to have a super power, that must have been it. I wanted to become invisible. Maybe melt away into a puddle. Pretty much anything to avoid sitting there for the next hour of the funeral feeling humiliated. But, alas, no transformation into a cape-wielding superhero. So, there we sat, for another hour in agony as the funeral continued. (Which, personal disasters aside, was a lovely farewell.)

Upon getting home and putting the girls down for naps, I realized that Greta had thrown up in the sunroom. Lovely. So I scrubbed the floors.

Then, I borrowed the neighbor's super-tall ladder outside to get up to our roof to take down Christmas lights (which I just couldn't bear to keep up for another minute, we were so late taking them down as it was). As I was attempting to tilt the ladder upright toward the roof, it became top-heavy and crashed down behind (and upon!) me. The rungs of the ladder pressed onto my shoulders, framing my head. And there I was, stuck, angry and frustrated, like a real-life teeter totter. A woman walking by with her dog first appeared alarmed, then tried to stifle a giggle. Talk about humiliation. It took about five minutes to get the ladder off without breaking any limbs (mine or the nearby trees). When I finally got it off, I wasn't sure whether to burst out laughing or crying.

A girl can only take so much in one day, right? And the worst part? Yesterday was my birthday.

Now, before you feel too sorry for me (or laugh too hard at me), the day ended much better than it started. Phone calls from pals, cookies from friends (amazing cookies!!), and email messages brightened my spirits. And my parents came over and took the girls and I out to dinner to salvage the day. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and delicious dessert. We came home to find Curtis feeling better. He presented me with four beautiful local art pieces from an art mural project to hang in our family room. And with promises to make up for our dinner out sometime soon. So, all is not lost.

But, if anyone knows where to get an invisible cloak, can you let me know? At this rate, it's likely I'll need one in the near future.