To Whom it May Concern

Dear Mr. H1N1,

Yes, we see you stalking us. We know you've trapped the neighbors, settled into the schools, and have even tiptoed into our church. But we are swift and determined. You will not catch us (meaning: we will not catch you!). So please stop trying. Go away. Far, far away.

Sincerely and armed with gobs of hand sanitizer,
The Loebs